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Episode 65

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Published on:

30th Sep 2026

Quick Spoon: What are you trying not to feel?

Sometimes, when something feels difficult, uncomfortable or overwhelming, our instinct is to make the feeling go away.

We distract ourselves.

We work.

We scroll.

We reach for something that changes how we feel.

In this Quick Spoon, Dr Ryan Kemp talks about this in the context of addiction — and about what happens when we aren't willing to stay with an uncomfortable experience for long enough to understand it.

I'm not suggesting that these everyday behaviours are necessarily addictions.

But Ryan's perspective raises an interesting question for all of us:

What am I trying not to feel?

And perhaps, before we rush to make an uncomfortable feeling disappear, there might be something useful to notice.

That's the idea behind this People Soup Quick Spoon.

🎧 This Quick Spoon comes from my conversation with Dr Ryan Kemp, When the Future Gets Smaller: Dr Ryan Kemp on Addiction.

People Soup: Real conversations about work, leadership, and being human — grounded in behavioural science, with practical ideas you can actually use.

If this episode resonated with you, please consider following People Soup, leaving a rating or review, or sharing it with someone who might find it useful.

Every recommendation helps more people discover practical, evidence-based conversations about work, leadership and being human.

Here's the People Soup Website.

And you can subscribe to the People Soup YouTube Channel here.

Visit Ross' Website.

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People Soup on Instagram which also features plenty of Ross' photos of the Andalusian life.

Transcript

QS3 - what are you trying not to feel?

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[00:00:45] Hi there, and welcome to People Soup Quick Spoon, real conversations about [00:00:50] work, leadership, and being human. I'm Ross McIntosh, and here's your Quick Spoon

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[00:01:01] And I think there's something really interesting here for us all

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[00:01:09] our first [00:01:10] instinct can be to try and make that feeling go away

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[00:01:21] And I'm not suggesting that any of those things are necessarily an addiction

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[00:01:30] What am I trying not to feel?

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[00:01:39] The [00:01:40] next time you find yourself reaching for something that will make that uncomfortable feeling go away, pause and ask yourself What am I trying not to [00:01:50] feel?

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About the Podcast

People Soup
Real conversations about work, leadership and being human.
Grounded in behavioural science, with practical ideas you can actually use.

The name People Soup comes from a quote by Abraham Maslow:

"A first-rate soup is more creative than a second-rate painting."

I've always loved that idea because creativity isn't confined to art. It shows up in how we live, work, lead and relate to one another.

Work often feels like a soup: a rich, sometimes bewildering mix of people, personalities, decisions, pressures, relationships and unexpected challenges. Every day we're trying to make sense of the ingredients in front of us.

Behavioural science doesn't make work simple, but it does give us better ways of responding to complexity. It offers practical ideas, evidence-based tools and skills that help us respond more effectively—to ourselves, to other people and to the situations we face.

That's what People Soup is all about.

Whether it's a conversation with a guest or a short solo episode, People Soup explores how behavioural science—and particularly Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT)—can help us lead and work with greater intention, developing the psychological flexibility and practical wisdom to navigate whatever life throws our way.

About your host

Profile picture for Ross McIntosh

Ross McIntosh

I'm Ross McIntosh, a business psychologist, coach and facilitator, with over 30 years' experience helping people thrive at work.

People Soup grew from a simple belief: work is an important part of life, but it doesn't have to come at the expense of our wellbeing, our relationships or our values.

Each episode explores the realities of work, leadership and being human through the lens of behavioural science. Sometimes that's a conversation with an inspiring guest. Sometimes it's a short "Quick Spoon" offering a practical idea you can put into practice straight away.

My work is grounded in Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), an evidence-based approach that helps people develop psychological flexibility: the ability to stay purposeful, adaptable and effective, even when life gets messy.

Whether you're leading a team, supporting others, or simply trying to navigate the pressures of modern work, my hope is that People Soup gives you practical tools, fresh perspectives and the confidence to take your next meaningful step.

A few things about me
Chartered Fellow of the CIPD.
Fellow of the Association for Coaching.
Research collaborator with City St George's, University of London.
Speaker, facilitator and leadership development consultant.
Founder and Host of the People Soup podcast.

When I'm not recording the podcast or working with clients, you'll usually find me reading, cycling, improving my Spanish, or enjoying life in southern Spain with my husband.