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Episode 58

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Published on:

11th Sep 2026

Quick Spoon: What would you say no to if you cared about yourself?

We often think of boundaries as something we put in place to manage other people's demands.

But what if a boundary is actually an act of compassion towards ourselves?

In this People Soup Quick Spoon, Dr Amanda Super describes boundary setting as a “radical act of self-compassion”.

She talks about including ourselves in our own circle of compassion, rather than trying to be all things to all people and paying the price ourselves.

Ross also brings in the idea of fierce self-compassion: sometimes compassion isn't about being softer. Sometimes it's about being firmer, protecting ourselves and saying no when we need to.

Here's something to try:

Think of something you're doing that's costing you more than you can afford to give.

Ask yourself:

“If I genuinely cared about myself here, what would I say no to?”

And then notice what gets in the way.

A short reflection from Ross's conversation with Dr Amanda Super about self-compassion, ambition, boundaries, recovery and being human at work.

People Soup: Real conversations about work, leadership, and being human — grounded in behavioural science, with practical ideas you can actually use.

If this episode resonated with you, please consider following People Soup, leaving a rating or review, or sharing it with someone who might find it useful.

Every recommendation helps more people discover practical, evidence-based conversations about work, leadership and being human.

Here's the People Soup Website.

And you can subscribe to the People Soup YouTube Channel here.

Visit Ross' Website.

Connect with Ross on LinkedIn

People Soup on Instagram which also features plenty of Ross' photos of the Andalusian life.

Transcript

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[00:00:24]

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[00:00:37] In this clip, Dr. Amanda Super [00:00:40] offers a different way of thinking about boundaries

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[00:00:47] but Amanda suggests something slightly [00:00:50] different. what if setting a boundary is actually an act of self-compassion towards ourselves? That really struck me

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[00:01:04] A boundary doesn't necessarily have to be about being difficult or putting other people out [00:01:10] Kristin Neff talks about fierce self-compassion

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[00:01:28] Think of something you're [00:01:30] doing that's costing you more than you can afford to give

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About the Podcast

People Soup
Real conversations about work, leadership and being human.
Grounded in behavioural science, with practical ideas you can actually use.

The name People Soup comes from a quote by Abraham Maslow:

"A first-rate soup is more creative than a second-rate painting."

I've always loved that idea because creativity isn't confined to art. It shows up in how we live, work, lead and relate to one another.

Work often feels like a soup: a rich, sometimes bewildering mix of people, personalities, decisions, pressures, relationships and unexpected challenges. Every day we're trying to make sense of the ingredients in front of us.

Behavioural science doesn't make work simple, but it does give us better ways of responding to complexity. It offers practical ideas, evidence-based tools and skills that help us respond more effectively—to ourselves, to other people and to the situations we face.

That's what People Soup is all about.

Whether it's a conversation with a guest or a short solo episode, People Soup explores how behavioural science—and particularly Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT)—can help us lead and work with greater intention, developing the psychological flexibility and practical wisdom to navigate whatever life throws our way.

About your host

Profile picture for Ross McIntosh

Ross McIntosh

I'm Ross McIntosh, a business psychologist, coach and facilitator, with over 30 years' experience helping people thrive at work.

People Soup grew from a simple belief: work is an important part of life, but it doesn't have to come at the expense of our wellbeing, our relationships or our values.

Each episode explores the realities of work, leadership and being human through the lens of behavioural science. Sometimes that's a conversation with an inspiring guest. Sometimes it's a short "Quick Spoon" offering a practical idea you can put into practice straight away.

My work is grounded in Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), an evidence-based approach that helps people develop psychological flexibility: the ability to stay purposeful, adaptable and effective, even when life gets messy.

Whether you're leading a team, supporting others, or simply trying to navigate the pressures of modern work, my hope is that People Soup gives you practical tools, fresh perspectives and the confidence to take your next meaningful step.

A few things about me
Chartered Fellow of the CIPD.
Fellow of the Association for Coaching.
Research collaborator with City St George's, University of London.
Speaker, facilitator and leadership development consultant.
Founder and Host of the People Soup podcast.

When I'm not recording the podcast or working with clients, you'll usually find me reading, cycling, improving my Spanish, or enjoying life in southern Spain with my husband.